i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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