just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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