i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
