I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
