I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
