Screwed.edu
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
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