does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
