If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
it's not cheating when I paid for it
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
