when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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