is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
