I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
