I CAN MOONWALK!
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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