Screwed.edu
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
