I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
