Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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