My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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