Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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