You work out of a Hotel?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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