New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
