Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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