Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
