I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
