remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
