i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
