pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
