Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
