the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
