If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Randomize
