woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
