blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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