May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
