Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
