i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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