Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
