Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
