I'm so fucking centered right now
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
