mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize