is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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