not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
