she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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