we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We're too hungover to prance.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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