Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
