I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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