Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He felt like a one man threesome
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
