My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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