I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
everyone is single if you try hard enough
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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