I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
