Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
