you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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