My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
