My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
