ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
