walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
