It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
