woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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