I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize