Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
