She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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