I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
