i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
