So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
