living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
